Dawn,  you named him Darnel Roland and I call him Nathan Donovan Adrian.  I am not your typical adoptive mother, if there is such a thing.  My husband and I had a child and decided to add to our family via adoption.

 

On the local TV station was a program called "Wednesday's Child".  It profiled the children waiting for forever homes.  My husband and I felt so blessed.  We both had jobs we liked.  Our son was a delightful toddler going on 2.   So, we contacted Lutheran Social Services and began the process.

 

We filled out forms, were interviewed together and separately and were approved to adopt.  Next came going through their required reading and attending adoption counseling classes.  We met others and listened to their reasons for adopting.  They all had different reasons.

 

Lutheran encouraged open adoption with as much or as little contact as was comfortable for both parties.  The state has closed records.

 

It amazed us how many children were looking for permanent homes.  We looked through a huge binder of these children.  It was sad.  There were many sibling groups.

 

First up was a little girl the same age as our son.  We were told we could raise them as we would had they been twins.  Unfortunately for us, "Sarah" was taken by her birth father.  I hope it worked out wonderfully well for her.

 

Next was a boy older than ours.  They  had 3 families in the running.  It was decided to place him closer to his current home in the Dallas area.

 

Just as we were beginning to despair,  our social worker told us about a little boy who was 15 months old and bi-racial.  We were so excited and beginning to make plans, thinking of a name for him.  We chose Benjamin Christopher Lynn.  Then, we got a couple of photos of him.  Nope, he didn't look like a Benjamin or Christopher or Lynn.  So, we played around with names.  My husband wanted Doneghal but that was way too Irish.  I stumbed across "Donovan" and its meaning was 'dark warrior'.  The little one's photo showed a serious looking little boy with huge dark eyes and no smile.  Yes, Donovan would be one of his names.  Plus, it was close to his bio name of Darnell, which is what we thought he was being called in his foster home.

 

The state's agent came to inspect us before accepting us as this little one's new parents.  She looked thoroughly at our little 2 bedroom, 1 bath house.  Commenting that it was on par with his current foster home.  She interviewed us separately.  She touched my skin which is the color of pecans and touched my then black hair, remarking on its texture.   I gritted my teeth and containing my anger asked why this was important.  She wanted to make sure that the little boy would fit into our family, she said. 

 

Finally, we were accepted to be Donny's parents!  We drove and drove and drove to meet him at his foster home in the Galveston area.

 

ah, yes, Nathan Donovan Adrian came into our lives and into our hearts.

 

How did our 2 year old accept him?  At first he had a new buddy to play with.  Then before long he wanted to know when we were going to take him back !!  : )

 

Our sons are now young men going on 24 and 25.  Their personalities are as different as night and day.  Raising someone else's child has been challenging and provided me with much personal growth.  When I see a child tantrumming, I don't automatically blame the parent.  I learned that children have their own unique personalities from the beginning.  Only little is "learned behavior".   And, yes, you can love an adopted child just as much as the child you gave birth to.

 

We always told Donny the standard answer to why:  that his birthmother placed him for adoption because she loved him but couldn't take care of him.

 

Because we went through Lutheran SS, we were given information the state had on Donny.  I recently made contact with Dawn and learned "the rest of the story".   Yes, she could not take care of him and his older brother and she shared what was going on in her life at the time.